An
Introduction
There is a lot of misconception out there about pornography
and addiction. With the immense quantity of information out there on the
internet, at times it can seem very daunting or even impossible to come to a
clear understanding on the reality of addictions to pornography. The following
blog post will not be written in my usual style. To illustrate how much
information is out there and the confusion one can feel on this subject, I
decided to write this post as a lyrical essay. As you read I would really like
for you to think about how these different issues that I am about to address
relate to one another; along those lines I want you to think about how you feel
while reading about this issue. Once again, thanks for reading! (Be sure to read part 1 and part 2 as well!)
#hashtagnation
#pornfacts #objectification #sextrafficking #becomeafighter
#superbowlsunday #pornkillslove #freethecaptives #fightthenewdrug
#FTNDstreetteam #pornfree2014 #fortifyprogram #pornaddiction #bethechange #idothisinstead
#sextrafficking #humantrafficking #sexslavery #sexualexploitation #brothel
#prostitution #pimp #commercialsexualexploitation #trafficking #inequality
#CatharineMacKinnon #swedishmodel #nordicmodel #endprostitution
#endsextrafficking #endslavery #feminist #sadomasochism #50ShadesofGrey #antiporn
#BDSM #abuse #violence #sadism #masochism #bondage #sex #sexualabuse #antiporn
#pornharms #pornculture #noporn #nofap #pornaddiction #iamavoice
A
Cry for Help
“I, as most on these postings, have struggled with porn
addiction. I am fighting hard to beat it but as has been mentioned, the images
don't leave the mind. I had gotten carried away with my addiction and my wife
confronted me since I was hiding it in humiliation. I excused as lowering my
libido or making sure I still ‘had it’. I promised to stop. I did for several
months. I slipped up with just pic gazing, not even porn. My wife saw my phone
history. It's hurt her all over again. Why does this have such control. I
looked up to see if it was a disease and it had a cure. It's humiliating. I
stumbled on to this and have read so many posts. I want to beat this. I love my
wife. I didn't see it as hurting her but it does. It's habit. But is it more?
That same conversation months ago brought up me sneaking smokes. I wasn't a
smoker but I was. I smoked maybe a pack a month. I always said it was like
cigars but it was smoking period. I've not touched a cigarette in over 3
months. Why can I best that addiction but slip on this one. Is it the chemical
reaction I crave? When I was a teenager in the 80's it was the sears catalog.
Then Victoria's Secret. Then playboy on on up to internet. It's tearing me
apart. There's so many differing opinions. I just wanted to post being that I'm
trying to conquer this ‘disease’.” –Serendip Visitor-
“I AM REALLY FEARFUL FOR MY DAUGHTERS LIFE,,,,SHE MEANT A
MAN 20 YRS OLDER. WHO HAS BEEN IN PRISON AND IS A HORRIBLE MAN.. MY DAUGHTER
TURNED 18 LAST FEB. THE PORN SHE IS DOING IS VERY SICK AND ABUSIVE.. VERY SICK
AND SHE LOOKS VERY HIGH.THE PICTURE ARE A SLIDESHOW IN MY HEAD. PICTURES OF HER
BEFORE SHE MEANT THIS MAN IS NOTHING LIKE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE NOW ...SHE TALKS
TO NOON I DON'T FEEL SHE IS SAFE AT ALL. THE LAST THING I WANT TO HEAR IS SHE
IS 18 AND CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS, I SO SICK OVER THIS AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO..
PLZ HELP” –plz help-
“I am worried about my son and think he might have an
addiction to pornography. I have caught him looking at it on the computer more
than once and have recently found it on a cell phone browser history and my 4
year old did. How do I address this and get him help? He has an ‘I don't care’
attitude when I try to talk to him about it. Please help as he is my oldest of
6.” –sunshine-
“I'm a 26 year old female and have been struggling with lust
and porn since I can remember. I can completely relate with feeling alone as
society sees this issue as mainly a male problem. Up until a year ago I felt
completely alone because I thought I was so broken and beyond help being a
woman and addicted to porn. Now, I still struggle and honestly it currently
seems to be getting worse...I know God loves me and is there but I feel like I
need to take extreme measures to stop. I'm worried that its really going to do
damage to my relationship with my boyfriend that I've been with for over 3
years now. Help?” -Serendip Visitor-
These are four very different examples of thousands of
people who have been negatively impacted by pornography in their lives. I took
these comments from a blog addressing the addiction of pornography (http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/345).
What you see is exactly what I saw when I first read them. Their inaudible
cries, and others like theirs, are found all over the internet these days.
Worried mothers, addicted men, addicted women, children, and the indifferent
are all affected by this issue.
Will we listen to these cries for help, or will we continue
to ignore them and sweep them under the rug?
From
the Eyes into the Mind
ad·dic·tion
noun \ə-ˈdik-shən, a-\
: a
strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do
something (such as gamble)
People who suffer from addictions have physical cravings for
something. Their brains physically need that substance or they are compelled to
do something. To be able to understand this, one must detach themselves from
their own experiences and take on the mindset of the addicted. Think about
trying to fight your own self? How can you wage a war not only against your own
thoughts, but the physical or chemical makeup of your body? I mean, we all have
negative thoughts about ourselves, whether it be: “I’m too fat”, “I’m not good
enough to do that”, or “I’ll look like a fool” we all have them. But can you
imagine if those thoughts also were physically driving us to do something that
we really don’t want to do? It is something to think about when addressing the
subject of addictions.
Yet Another Misconception
When you hear the word pornography, what do you think about?
What are the first words that come to your mind? I know what my first thoughts
are, and I bet that I could guess what your first thoughts are as well. I’m
here to say that our first impressions about this subject are wrong. Ninety
nine percent of the population, I’d say, has false notions about what
pornography does and how it affects those who look at it on a regular basis. Most
people just think that it is something that men look at because they want to be
sexually aroused, or because they are disgusting pigs. Might I suggest that
this is wrong? Yes, pornography is gross and a sick, twisted imitation of love,
but there is more to why men are drawn to it.
Those who begin to look at porn are not pigs, rather the
porn is what changes them, distorts who they are,
and turns them into pigs.
Just because someone somewhere down the line makes a poor decision, that does
not give us the right to predetermine who they are and whether they are good
people or not. I in no way, shape, or form condone the usage of porn. Those who
know me well know how strongly I oppose pornography. I do however support those
who are seeking help to overcome an addiction to pornography. Just as we would
not ever turn a blind eye to someone who seeks to overcome an addiction to
alcohol or strong drugs, we should never judge or disregard someone who is
looking to overcome an addiction to pornography.
Living
a Double Life
This is an account from a young man who has struggled with
pornography for almost all his life.
“I was six years old
the first time I saw it. I was down in Cabo San Lucas Mexico, before it was
heavily commercialized. I was looking at post cards on a spinning rack when I
stumbled on a post card with blatant nudity, I didn’t know what to do with it.
I couldn’t resist it, instantly I was absorbed and I lost control of my
thoughts. I don’t know how it was possible to lose my innocence at such a young
age, but I did. That day marked the beginning of a life long struggle. I
thought about that moment often throughout my childhood, just thinking back
about the postcard that was burned into my brain. However it wasn’t until I was
twelve that things really began to escalate. I was at one of my best friend’s
house having a sleep over. It was late and he began to flip through a magazine
on photography before bed, he then asked me “Hey do you know what this is?” I
looked at the picture for a couple of seconds then I realized I was looking at.
“A woman’s breasts” I responded, and then he said “Yeah, check this out.” He
then pulled out a book on photography and opened to multiple pages on a topic
called “exposure.” The whole chapter was filled with pictures of naked women. I
just kept looking, my mind was screaming out to stop but I felt helpless to
stop. After I felt awful inside; I didn’t want to insult my friend, and I was
afraid to tell my parents because I didn’t want them to get mad at me. So I
hide the experience, I let it fester inside of me. Ever since that night I have
been fighting an addiction to pornography. It has been a long hard war, and I
have lost most of the battles against my addiction. It always has a way of
crushing my will and breaking down my defenses. Every time I succumbed, I fell
deeper into self-loathing, and self-destruction. I just wanted to give up and
kill myself. It seemed like suicide was the only way out of this cycle of
pornography and depression. I drove up to the top of a mountain where I was
looking out over a cliff, all I would have to do was accelerate and this whole
cycle would end with a long drop and short stop. I couldn’t do it, instead I
began to weep and pray. I prayed for freedom, forgiveness and healing. I prayed
for help and the strength to change. After that I decided to tell two of my
trusted friends that I needed help. For the first time in my life I told Jesus
and my friends that I was an addict and I needed their help. I sought
psychological help and got medication so I didn’t want to kill myself anymore.
Even with those aids, I still continued to fall. The problem was that I was
still trying to fight this battle on my own. I decided to go to recovery
meetings, in the meetings I found many other men who are fighting the same war.
There is support, there is hope, but the first step is opening up. I know that
I can win this war because I have Jesus and my brothers-in-recovery to fight alongside.”
Many viewers of pornography feel as though they are leading
a double life, especially those with religious convictions. They feel
depressed. They feel alone. They are tired of fighting a losing battle against
themselves. Try and imagine living day in and day out hating who you are
because you have an addiction to something. Does that seem easy?
There are many “closet users” of pornography who would
scream for help if they did not fear what society will think of them. Because
porn is such a taboo topic and something highly looked down upon in our
predominantly Christian society, there are those who suffer in silence out of
fear. If there wasn’t this overarching negative connotation that society
associates with porn users, rather than the pornography itself, we would see
less fear and more people seeking to overcome this addiction.
The
Truth about Porn Addiction
"Many of my drug using, sex crazed friends have said at least
once that having an orgasm and doing a line of cocaine create the same feelings
within the brain.
"When an addict looks
at porn, testosterone, dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin are released, creating
what Dr. Judith Reisman refers to as an 'erototoxin'. The chemical change,
which causes the person engaging in the act to have a temporary feeling of euphoria,
becomes a necessity for the person to function. Like any other type of addict,
porn addicts become trapped within their disorder, and the difference between
casually watching pornography and being an addict hinges on the chemical makeup
of the brain.
"Another issue of an addiction to porn is that while, with
most drugs, it is possible to work all of the chemical out of the body after a
certain amount of time, a pornographic image will stay in the memory as long as
the memory exists. In a far more extreme interview, Dr. Judith Reisman stated, '[Pornography] could be more addictive than crack cocaine because cocaine can
be excreted from the body. Pornographic images cannot. They remain,
structurally and neurochemically, with a person forever'".
"Specifically, overstimulation brought on by viewing
pornography can produce neurological changes—specifically, decreasing
sensitivity to the pleasure seeking neurotransmitter dopamine—which can
desensitize a person to actual sexual encounters with a partner. These neurochemical changes not only
contribute to a person becoming 'addicted' to pornography but they can also
make it incredibly difficult to abstain from viewing pornography entirely."
"In men, there are five primary chemicals involved in sexual
arousal and response. The one that likely plays the most significant role in
pornography addiction is dopamine. Dopamine plays a major role in the brain
system that is responsible for reward-driven learning. Every type of reward
that has been studied increases the level of dopamine transmission in the
brain, and a variety of addictive drugs, including stimulants such as cocaine,
amphetamine, and methamphetamine, act directly on the dopamine system. Dopamine
surges when a person is exposed to novel stimuli, particularly if it is sexual,
or when a stimuli is more arousing than anticipated. Because erotic imagery
triggers more dopamine than sex with a familiar partner, exposure to pornography
leads to 'arousal addiction' and teaches the brain to prefer the
image and become less satisfied with real-life sexual partners.
What makes Internet porn unique? Wilson identifies a number
of reasons, including: (1) Internet porn offers extreme novelty; (2) Unlike
food and drugs, there are almost no physical limitations to Internet porn
consumption; (3) With Internet porn one can escalate both with more novel 'partners' and by viewing new and unusual genres; (4) Unlike drugs
and food, Internet porn doesn't eventually activate the brain's natural
aversion system; and (5) The age users start watching porn. A teen's brain is
at its peak of dopamine production and neuroplasticity, making it highly
vulnerable to addiction and rewiring."
As you can tell, there are a lot of new studies showing that pornography has a much stronger physiological effect than was supposed in the past. These are just a few of many studies that researchers are conducting to find out what the true effects of pornography are. Pornography can no longer be viewed as a social media; rather we need to treat it as a drug. That's what it is. All of the new studies show that it has a potent effect on our brain's physical make up as well as its chemical balance. For far too long we have been treating this problem as a “personal problem” rather than the drug addiction that it is.
As you can tell, there are a lot of new studies showing that pornography has a much stronger physiological effect than was supposed in the past. These are just a few of many studies that researchers are conducting to find out what the true effects of pornography are. Pornography can no longer be viewed as a social media; rather we need to treat it as a drug. That's what it is. All of the new studies show that it has a potent effect on our brain's physical make up as well as its chemical balance. For far too long we have been treating this problem as a “personal problem” rather than the drug addiction that it is.
The
Reality of the Problem
As you can see, there is a major problem on our hands.
Pornography is a taboo topic among “respectable circles” but should it be? I
personally think that we have been keeping this “dirty little secret” for far
too long. There are so many people who are affected by this issue; we need to
begin taking it more seriously as a society. Not only are the addicted
struggling to find help that they need to overcome the addiction, but families
are being torn apart by pornography. There is a negative connotation associated
with this topic, and in order to begin helping those in need we have to change
the way we look at pornography. We can no longer think of it as psychological
problem, or just something that all guys do. Pornography is a drug; it should
be treated as such. If we can begin to change the view we have of it, the
sooner we will be able to rescue those who are in bondage to it.
It’s
Time to Clean out the Closet
Here’s what I am proposing: as a community we need to change
how we view pornography. We can’t shy away from having those uncomfortable conversations. Because with time, not only will they become more open and comfortable, they
will also become much more productive. As long as we continue to hide from this
issue to remain in our “comfort zone”, we will continue to see people’s lives destroyed
and ruined. We will see families torn apart by this plague that is so prevalent
in our society. We will continue to see people take their lives because they
felt alone and unable to overcome their addictions. That is where we are at
today; but we can change our future.
What has to happen right now is: we need to open our mouths
and be vocal in our support of those individuals who are in bondage. We need to
talk with our families, among our friends, and in our communities about the
reality of this new drug that has flooded our communities and homes. Unless we
are able to bring this issue out into the public arena we will be unable to
overcome its devastating influence and society will suffer as a whole. Do it
for your family and friends. Do it for those who are waging the silent war
against themselves; let them know that they’re not alone. Let them know that
there is someone walking beside them.
With love,
Will Glade
The one walking beside you.
*if you have any comments, concerns, or wish to talk contact me here.
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