Before I never would have dreamed of running a marathon; now
it has become an attainable goal, a reality. Before I would have said, “Send ‘em
all back from where they came.” Now I wish we’d let them all come because I
love them, I understand them. Before I would have waited in long lines to see
them play. Now I just enjoy the feel of my keyboard under my fingers. Before
power was found in strength, in who could hit the hardest: the pen can hit
harder than any fist, the tongue can impulse better than any whip. Before I
would have blindly followed an elephant over a cliff; but I understand now that
neither holds the future I want to see, that I want realized. Before I thought, “He who wields the bigger
stick wins” but the time has come to put down the gun and turn in the badge
that reads: world police. Before they were just there with me, now I wish I could
be there with them. Once I was blind, but now I can see: it’s just a shame it
took so long. I’ve traded my flask for a radio; and I’ve given up the petroleum
for the ink: one black thing for another. One produces power, another is power.
Just two years ago I never would have thought I’d be where I
am today. Sometimes the Big Man upstairs just has different plans than we think
He does. Life can turn you upside down, spin you around, and then set you down
and suddenly the world is different again. What you once thought was so
concrete and real, just became unstable and aqueous. Land turns to sea, sea to
land and you got no idea where you can put your feet. You just have to trust:
no doubt, just faith.
It’s easy to be fearful when you don’t know what is going to
happen to you. As people, we don’t like uncertainty. The unknown is frightening.
That’s why many people fear death. We don’t have control over those things in
our lives and that scares us.
A personal example:
When I was in Chile, there came a time, about four months
prior to me returning home, when I had to decide what classes I was going to
take. I had to make a decision: do I continue on in my education to become an
engineer or do I do something else? Well, that something else was uncertain. I
had no idea what other options I had. That fact scared me. I was afraid of
giving up a future that I had thought was for me, that I had built up in my
mind as my future, that I really wasn’t
willing at the time to make a change. I prayed a lot about this, probably more
than I should have at the time but all the same I prayed. I prayed hard.
Answers came: I ignored them. I continued to ask; I wanted to be so sure of
what I was doing. Until God finally gave
me the answer I wanted: ok, be a chemical engineer.
Sometimes the Lord gives us answers that we want, even
though they may not be true, so that we can learn from them. So we can grow. I
came home and began to study. It felt good at first; it felt right in the
moment. Over time I began to grow uneasy about it. I began to question. The
Lord was preparing my mind for a shift of course, a paradigm change. I began to
write. It felt so good to get the words out of my head and heart and on to
paper. It felt natural: it flowed easily from my mind to my hands to paper. I
remembered why I did newspaper in high school; there is nothing better than
having someone say that your words helped them in some way. Small or large, it doesn’t
matter. You helped them.
During my break with my family the feelings of uneasiness
grew until one day I snapped. I had what I call, my mid-major crisis. I walked out
and looked at my dad and said, “Dad, I don’t know if I want to be a chemical
engineer.” He looked at me and said, “Ok, well what do you want to do instead?”
That was the million dollar question that nine months earlier I couldn’t have
answered. “I don’t know” I replied. “Well,” my dad said, “what do you enjoy
doing?” I smiled and sheepishly said, “Well, I really like writing. I love
writing.” The conversation continued on as we hashed out ideas of what I should
do until I finally decided that I would finish this next semester up (doing
chemical engineering) and then maybe I’d take some communication classes in the
spring and summer. Yeah, that lasted about four days into the semester until I woke
up one morning and said to myself: “Well today is the day I am going to change.”
So I called up my parents and told them I had made up my mind.
At first my mom was skeptical, I mean who wouldn’t be right?
Giving up a potential six figure income for the slightly [ok very] unstable
communications salary? Yeah I’d be skeptical too. But two weeks ago, while we
were eating dinner together (I had gone home that weekend) my mom looks at me
and said, “You look happier.” That was because I am happier now.
Now why do I share this story? The reason is simple: this is
an illustration of how over time God prepares our paths and changes our vision
in order to help us succeed. He helps us stay on track. Paradigms shift. Viewpoints
change. We can’t be certain of what the future holds, but we can make the best
of it.
With love,
Will Glade
The one walking beside you.
